Advice: Women are like Deer

By Trevor Antley.

Women are like deer. Not like dainty, bambi-ish deer eating grass in a meadow with their Disney best friends, but like scared, paranoid, ready-to-hoof-your-eyes-out deer waiting for a hunter to shoot them in their deer faces.

Allow me to explain.

If you run up to a girl screaming and flailing your arms, the girl — like a paranoid deer — will run away. But if you set up a deer-feeder and slowly inch towards her while she munches on crunchy bunches of corn, you can easily lasso her and drag her home to meet the family.

(Because deer are often caught with lassos.)

But you get it. For all that deer knows, you and it could be best of lovers if it gave you a chance. But if you spook it by being an idiot, the deer will never give you a chance. Because deer can be cold.

Lesson of this post: Don’t spook a deer. Flatter it with bits of corn and wrattle some dead-deer antlers, and then ride it home to meet your mom.